April 1; we met.
Although
we were on the same school for so long, when the festival started, our eyes
met. We were unaware that just one look could start so many wonderful things.
That was the first time my heart beat with so much desire. I never imagined
that I could meet someone like you, but I’m glad I encountered you, just when
the fireworks started.
Since
that moment I knew I would be very happy having you at my side.
April 3; we started to be friends.
You
were in other classroom and our friends despised each other, but that didn’t prevent
us to start a beautiful friendship, like those unconditional that rarely exist.
I liked to share time with you, especially when we skip classes. Did you remember?
We just went without telling anyone. Simply we went to the park, talking at every
time. I miss those days. You smiled a lot and I couldn’t stop admired you. You had become my best friend.
You
will always be, there’s not doubt of it.
April 10; you started a relationship with a
girl in your classroom.
I
don’t longer remember her name and really, I don’t want to. Your friends told
me about it, but I didn’t want to believe, not until I saw you. You were
holding hands and for the first time I saw a different expression in your face;
you were ashamed. You never told me about it…I’m still wondering why. We still
were friends, but I couldn’t stop feeling jealous, although I never said you
anything.
It
was better to leave you be happy.
April 18; we went out, you, your girlfriend,
our friends and I.
I
have thought of it, the best thing to do was not going, but my wish of seeing
you was so strong than anything else.
―Common, let’s go. I
know it hurts but it will look bad if you don’t go.
That was what Ina said. Maybe that was the truly
reason for me to change my opinion of not going. We meet at the fountain of the
center of the city. We agreed of going to the movies. Your girlfriend was femininely
dressed. That was the moment were I realized why you got interest by her. She
and I were so different. She was all female and pretty, with that smile that
could melt anybody, especially you. Instead I was normal.
After
the movies we walked, directing us to the zone full with game stores. We enter
to one of the malls and we sat near a kiosk. I felt uncomfortable. My eyes
couldn’t avoid seeing you with her. The way you looked at her, the way you
smiled at her. The way you touched her…
―Look! An arcade!
You said with excitement, like you used to do when you see one of those
games. We loved to play together, but I guess that couldn’t be more. I absented
for a while, going to buy a soda. When I get back, you held my hand.
―Let´s go!
We entered the store with all the arcades
and other games around us.
―Let’s play.
―Why didn’t you said it to your girlfriend?
―She doesn’t like these things. We don’t have anything in
common
―Well, it would be really boring to be with your clone,
don’t you think?, without experimenting other different things.
―It isn’t boring. Being with you, with whom I share so
many things and looks like my clone, it isn’t boring. I’m happy with having you
here by my side. You are my best friend.
Those words made me so happy, although that
shouldn’t be like that.
I
would always be the “best friend” and not something else.
July 5; my birthday.
My
friends invited me to eat. You didn’t
go, strangely, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Were you could be? Surely
with her… Have you forgotten my birthday? Maybe. I spend a good time with my
friends, although I needed you. More than I could imagine. Surprisingly my
“party” ended early and not as previous years, were we rented a cabin to
continue with the celebration. According to my friends―and yours, who also were there―, tomorrow was the last day of school, the farewell
camp.
I
returned home sad. It wasn’t possible that you forgot my birthday. I lay on my
bed, taking my cellphone without taking my eyes from it. I thought in calling
you and asking you if you have forgotten my birthday, but I decided not to do
it. It wasn’t correct, I wasn’t your girlfriend, but your friend…No, that’s why
it was correct to do it. That is what friends do. Complain without regardless
breaking a relationship, but at the end I didn’t do it. I closed my eyes,
thinking in you.
“胸の奥で眠る君だけ見つめていたい。。。” [Mune no oku de nemuru kimi dake mitsumeteitai…]”
That song. It was
strange that someone living in this direction knew it. Surprisingly each time I
heard it closer. My favorite song. I looked out my window, when I saw you on
the street with a big smile. You were holding strongly your cellphone. I
couldn’t comprehend how it was possible that that small device had so much
sound.
―Happy birthday!
―I thought you have forgotten it!
―Never!
I knew that
couldn’t be true. We were the best friends, how can you forget something so
important like my birthday?
―You haven’t put on your pajama, right?
―No, why?
―Then come. Quickly!
―Eh? Where? It’s too late!
I didn’t believe it
and my surprise was bigger when I saw you extended your hand with two pieces of
paper. It was a lie, right?
―We have to hurry! I’m sure there´s already a line.
―Eh?
―It’s your gift! Do you want to be late for the
concert?
That was my best
birthday ever and not precisely for the great gift you gave to me, although I
was really happy for it. Who would have thought that you would take me to the
concert of my favorite band? Who would have thought that you will do it?
―Let’s go!
Thank
you so much, really.
July 6; our first fight.
It
was because of a stupidity, I accept it, but I was sick of your girlfriend and
the way she looked me. She disliked me, I know, but I disliked her even more. It was the second day of our camp. Two of six
days. I spend those days really sad without talking to you. We get upset for
her gossips. According her, I insulted her, but what made me more upset with
you, was that you believed in her words. Why, if you knew me so well? She
created gossips about me and that I couldn’t handle it anymore.
Sorry
for those words I said that time but you must understand that I was angry. I
hate myself for made you feel bad, but I hate myself more for being so clinging
to you.
That
was too many for me.
July 12; we didn’t spoke on the rest of the
travel nor the next days.
It
was vacations and I was dying to talk with you but I didn’t. I wasn’t the
wrong, I was not and until you didn’t realize it, I wouldn’t talk to you ever,
although an eternity passed.
Although
it hurts doing it.
August 24; I knew about you again.
Classes
had begun again and this time we went in the same classroom. I had missed you
so much but I was really stubborn that I wouldn’t change my mind and it was true,
until your friends made me fall in a trap, locking me with you in the same
classroom. You reproach me and I did the same. Why did I have to accept what
you said to me? Why did you have to have the reason?
I
don’t know for how long we were locked, ignoring each other must of the time. I
was still in love with you, maybe more than the first day and that hurts.
―I broke up with
Aliana.
Ah, that was her name. A hope illuminated in my chest.
―Why?
―I realize I didn’t
love her.
―How late…
Cutting, that way were my words but instead
of getting angry with me, you smiled. The anger was passing and that was good.
Really good.
―I know… Sorry,
Ellyka, forgive me for being so blind as not believing in you. You’re my best
friend, how not to believe you?
That was what I was thinking.
―It’s never too late
to change your mind.
―That’s true… Ellyka, would you give me the opportunity
to gain me your trust again?
How to say no to those words. I missed you and
breathing without you at my side hurts me.
―Ok.
September 3; we went out to the amusement
park only the two of us.
Our friendship was
back to normal, this time stronger than before. We got on every ride, having
fun like child. We spent all the afternoon there, until the sun hid and the attractions
turn on its lights. We got on the last ride; the wheel of the fortune. The
entire city looked amazing from the window, totally small and insignificant before
so beautiful view of the sky.
―I like you.
A second to pronounce
those words but all an eternity to have the courage to say them.
I look at you
without knowing what to say. Everything looked like a dream, especially this. Those
words I had dream about since the minute I knew you.
―What…?
―I’m a stupid, I
know. I always felt something different being with you, but I never knew that
is was about, no until now. Aliana thing was a mistake, a stupidity that never
should happen. You always have been so important for me, what I desire in my
life. I like you, more than what is possible to imagine.
September 3; the day our love flourished.
The
next moths were great, something wonderful. He was my boyfriend and nothing
could change that. Our friends were happy when they knew it. They told us that
we were fools for having waited so long. I blushed. You kept being my friend,
but now you were also only mine. We went out many times in dates, but it wasn’t
until it start to snow that you dared to kiss me. Our first kiss occurred in Christmas.
It was really cold but it was the best. You gave me a silver bracelet with a
butterfly.
I
loved wearing it.
Our
relationship prospered with the time, although we had fights but nothing that
could break our love.
I
loved you so much; no…I still love you.
November 7; the new year but no so good for
us.
We
broke up and that hurt me a lot, but it was the best, you said. I didn’t know
if it was real love or just custom…maybe a whim. We knew so well that there
wasn’t anything new to tell, that was what you said to me. Why? I cried for a
week.
I
felt so unhappy.
January 24; you sought me.
You
said you couldn’t live without me, that you needed me to live. I believed you
because I still loved you. We reconciled in a day of snow. I spent the night
with you and we promised never be apart.
I
truly believe.
May 3; I found your infidelity and my pregnancy.
I
found you with Uire, a classmate. I hated myself for believed in you and I hated
myself even more for being so fool and think this would work. I didn’t reproach
anything, I just stopped talking you. Also, I didn’t tell you anything about my
pregnancy, I knew you would be interested. I didn’t want to have a child yet, less
after knowing the true. I threw away the bracelet you gave me. I was really
hurt.
Idiot,
that was I.
June 11; it was too late for another chance.
I
aborted and you never notice anything. You will never know the true. Now I
imagine that kid. Does he would be like you? Does he have your eyes, the way
you are? At nights I cry for my sin. I shouldn’t have done it… I imagine his
face and how big he would be today.
Why
did I have to do it?
June 22; you begged me to go back with you but I didn’t accept.
You had already
done too many damage to me, why keep going thru this? It didn’t matter if I
still love you or not, I didn’t want to be again with you, even that true hurt.
I didn’t know anything about you until that day;
September 3; you stopped existing.
I just went out the
movies when your friends warned me you were dead. You were out of your house
and you got hit by a car. You were conscious for a few minutes and according
the people near you, you asked for me. After that, you died. What a cruel
reality, don’t you think so? Yesterday I had you and now you have vanished from
this world.
I cry without
stopping. Why you? Why that person that means so much for me had to die? Your funeral
held, but no one cried like me.
Sorry…
Forgive me for never telling you the true. I really
regret.
Forgive me for
hurting you, for leaving you alone.
I can’t accept you’re
gone. I can’t think I would never see you again. I wish I could change the
time. I wish I wouldn’t have aborted, I wish I wouldn’t find you with someone
else, I wish we wouldn’t have broken up that first time, I wish I would be brave
to express you my true feelings. I don’t care our past, if I see you again, I
would fall in love with you again; I would do the same thing all over again.
I love you…
I love you so much…
How I wish I could
move the time and that April first happens again. I wish and that could become
true.
I hope that, when my
wish come true, you forgive me for everything and, if you find this diary, I
want you to know that you are and will always be my only love.
I miss you so much,
Rieka….
Ellyka.
Summer. Classes
again, a new start. Are you still there? I hope yes. I’m happy, shocked, but
happy. Do you still remember me? I can’t forget you. I could never do it.
―Hi, mi name is Rieka. We had already seen
before, isn’t it?
The stars that starts shining again.
